I didn’t know how it happened but I was suddenly the go-to person for people who are having life problems. It’s not like I’m the big expert on this area and its not like I’ve got many things to say but they just keep coming. And I can’t just turn them away because I’m simply not that kind of person. I try to help as much as I can but lately, its just been getting to me. I’ve run out of words to say which are limited at the start anyway. And every conversation would keep me awake at night trying to find what I should have done better for them. They keep dumping on me all the negativity in their life and my only problem is I have no idea where to send it to. I’m like a dump site that’s already full of everyone’s trash but the garbage keeps coming anyway. The old garbage already buried with dirt but never really gone. Every night, I keep wanting to cry and I don’t even have any idea why. I have my own battles to fight but it seems like I lost the energy to fight other people’s battles. Sometimes, at random my heart would start to quicken without any real reason and I get so distracted sometimes I couldn’t even work properly. I keep worrying about all those people with all their struggles I lost sight of my own until it slaps me in the face. I appreciate the fact that they go to me but sometimes I wish they won’t. I finally saw the bliss in ignorance and the fortune of being the one people don’t tell secrets to. I’ve never had to worry about other people’s affairs before but now I can’t help but do. I know it’s entirely up to me but I have no idea how not to let it get to me. I’m drowning with my own demons as it is and I don’t even know how to swim! The sad part is, these people, they don’t even know how to reciprocate. I know how we tend to get overly selfish when were going through something tough. I know. I’ve been there and I’m still there actually. I get it. But would it hurt if every once in a while you also ask about me? Not to compare, but I’m also going through something right now but I never forget to ask how you are. You’ve always been on the top of my mind every time I wake up and the last one I think about before I go to sleep.
I’m sorry for the outburst. I’m just tired. Really really tired.