Dear Self,

You’ve gone twenty one years in your life without managing to kill yourself. Cheers! You’ve spent all your life hating yourself because of all the imperfections you have in your body and in your social skills. You’re dark, thin with a big tummy, you have square jaws, your eyes are big, you’re too tall and you slouch, you’re lazy and too fearful. You’re awkward, loud, you’re too bothered with what everyone else thinks about you so you keep to yourself, you don’t know how to keep your friends, and you think too much about yourself. Your thoughts have hurt yourself in ways more than blades ever could. You listen to your demons and you let them proliferate inside your head. You romanticize suicide and you bury yourself so deep into your subconscious you forgot who you really are. And now, you’re too focused to find yourself you don’t have the energy to think. You forgot you’re smart and now you hate a challenge. You’re afraid to widen your social circle because you’re too obsessed with the people already in it and you are terrified that they will leave. You hate others for being too attention-seeking, blame their inappropriate behaviour to stupidity when the truth is you just envy them. You’re jealous of them because they have the courage to be who they are regardless of what other people think of them. They’re not afraid to be judged, you are. And that makes a whole lot of difference. Because they’re happy and you aren’t. You’ve never really been and I’m not so sure if you’ll ever be. Because you’re afraid. Afraid to laugh too much, to show the world your smile because you’ve always seen yourself as the miserable pathetic little girl who had her self-esteem crushed in front of her even before she knew what it really was. You spend so much time blaming other people for what you have become forgetting that you are already in your right mind to change what they made you to be. It wasn’t your choice before because you’re too naive, gullible and weak, but it’s your choice now because you are supposed to have already known better. When things don’t go the way you thought they would, you sulk and blame the world.

You’re twenty one years old, dude! And you still have problems worthy for a teenager. Man up! I’m not saying you should already have your shit together at this age, I’m just saying you should’ve already made an effort to at least change the way you view yourself and the world. Don’t engage too much in self-pity. Get your acts straight and know your priorities! You’re worth solely depends on yourself and not anyone else’s. Don’t romanticize misery and don’t be afraid to be intimate with people other than your very small social circle. Go, go out to the world and don’t be afraid to take risks. Haven’t you already realized its high time for you to love yourself and take that chance to be big in this world. To show the world who you really are and what you can really do. Don’t base your decisions on other people, don’t wait for them to leave you. You let go. Let go of the people that are pulling you back and let go of the things you can’t control. Be the adventurous woman you always thought you are and greet the world with a big genuine smile on your face because it’s worth it. Life is worth you, and you are worth life. Go, get ‘em, big girl! You deserve it. We all deserve it.

Love,

Self

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