I need to live in a place where I know I am wanted
I never want to be imprisoned by the halls of rejections, of regrets, of power tripping and mockeries
Why did God have to give us the freedom to choose our friends but never our kin?
I am so tired of living like a disposable garbage bag who you can toss on the sidewalk when full
I am so tired of feeling like a failure
I am so tired of living in a house that only knew of my existence when they needed a boost of their self-worth
I am so tired of fighting and losing and losing and fighting
How do you even call that a fight when I was always on the losing side
And the worst part is, I was always alone on that side
You’ve cursed and mocked me for being selfish but what do you call yourselves?
Society calls you my family but you were never one of the people I can ask for help that easily
Because whenever I do, I had to endure long hours of nagging and insulting and judging before you extend a hand, if you even do
I’ve been teaching myself to stop crying for you eversince I can remember
But how can I teach my heart to grow cold to the people who taught it how to love and hate at the same time
You were my first heartbreak, and probably the last
All my life, I thought home is where you need to be on guard
Home is where you need to fight to survive
The place where you need to watch your every actions, think your every words
It was only when I went out into the world that I discovered, home, for other people meant warmth, but the silence echoing through the walls in our house is the coldest I’ve ever felt in life
Home, for other people, is shedding off their masks so they can be themselves again
We’ve always been pretentious people who made sure we smile on photographs
Home, for other people, means having someone always there even after the world has turned its back on you
We’ve long been turning our backs against each other to chase our own selfish dreams
You are the reason why for so long I believed against people being inherently good
Because we always had our own motives
They said, nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship, ours is worse than acid
Now, I am left with nothing but one question:

Do we also need lawyers if we want to divorce from the people we call family?

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2 thoughts on “Family Rant

  1. I don’t know what to say, I’m literally out of words to express how this made me feel, I relate to every single word you’ve written and the fact that I’ve never had the courage to say or express how I feel, it shows how well you’ve put everything you feel into words. Thank you for writing this, it made me feel like maybe I’m not the only one…

    Like

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