How old do you have to be before you can finally say you understand the etiquette of life?

I am currently stuck between wanting to shout to the world that I deserve to be treated special too and keeping the pretense of being nonchalant to how other people value me.

I have turned a year older today and I thought  as soon as the clock struck 12, I would be given the wisdom and strength to finally make sense of the world. But I’m still as immature as fuck.

How big is the difference between growing up and growing old? Because I think I’ve been doing a lot of the latter but can’t even make progress with the former.

How old do you have to be before your youth expires? Before people or you start putting pressure on yourself to shape up and plan your life? People told me that maybe I’m too hard on myself sometimes, but where is the line between being happy-go-lucky with age and being serious about the future? Where am I in that line?

How does one sychronize growing up and growing old? How do you make tequila out of lemons when you were only taught to make lemonades? And lemonades can’t satisfy a body that is growing old. Not anymore. It needs a stronger booze but that also meant a mountainful of something to regret. When do we stop treating life as a party? 

When do I unlatch the hinges I placed between me and other people? When do I stop looking for approval and assurances from people ? When do I stop being disappointed at them for giving them too high expectations? When do I stop asking if I deserve someone who’ll throw away their life so I feel better? When do I stop being selfish?

When do I stop living with my nose stuck in a useless book, or being blinded to my own perfectly arranged piece of work?

I left my teenage year with a lot of hopeful questions, now I’m throwing myself into the unknown with questions I know I should stop seeking answers to.

Am I hopeless or just impossible?

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