Sometimes I wake up with a question, ‘What have I been doing in my life?’ And everytime, I’m always at a loss for words at how hazy and endless the road I am taking have become. I was so sure that there was a point in my life that I know, that I am confident to where I want my life to be headed. Surely, I was not this scared, this hopeless and lethargic before. But suddenly everything seems to be black and white. Every mistakes seem to erase all the good that I have done. I don’t know where I belong and I definitely have no idea where I want to belong. I just know I want to belong somewhere.
Lately, I have been losing my focus at work, wondering everytime I make a report or snip some shapes or mix some paints if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Wondering what I was thinking or what I was feeling when I signed up for this.
I am not a good singer, nor a dancer. My walk has always been crooked, my fashion always a little outdated. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I am never good with numbers and it has long been established that a writing career is not a viable option. To add salt to the wound, I just found out that I am not good in teams. So, what? Where?
Where can I find sanctuary to a heart that have never learned to be sure?