I am tired of second guessing how much I exist in your life because that is one thing you never made clear. When we’re together or talk on the phone, everything is just so confusing. You keep telling me how you appreciate me and thank me for all those dark times when I became your light, but apparently, you never cared enough to think of me first, to dig deeper into my soul and know about the demons I sword-fight with everyday and the things that make up the cracks in my darkness for the light to seep in. You keep telling me I know you too well but I’m not even sure if I can say the same thing about you.
I’m tired of being an afterthought all my life. Now there is someone who’s willing to put me first but damn me because I keep choosing you. I keep choosing you even when I know I will always be your other option. I keep choosing you even after how many times you’ve made clear that I’m never gonna be a priority in your life. I keep choosing you even after how many times I’ve taught myself to let you go. I just keep choosing you and fuck me, because I can’t even force myself not to..