HAPPIEST NEW YEAR! 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉
I write a lot of letters to a lot of people but never had I ever gained the courage to actually send it to them so consider yourself lucky if you are reading this. Thank you for making my 2016 a better year and for sticking to my side even when it is inconvenient. I know I’m not exactly the easiest person to be around with but you stayed close and I have never seen you taking a step back, so thank you. I am an introvert and everybody knows that, but you were actually one of the very few people who cared and understood. I’ve had some friends who looked at me exasperatedly whenever I refuse to go along with them where meeting new people and actually talking to strangers are involved. I’ve had friends who had pushed me too far from my comfort zone when I was not ready, and friends who left me behind when I was taking my time. But you, you adjusted to my mood swings too well that I’m not sure if you can actually read my mind. My life was a monotone when you entered and coaxed me out of my four-walled safeness. I know I keep insisting on my impulsivity but would you believe if I tell you that I wouldn’t have ever stepped foot on the places we visited if you hadn’t planned and made sure they were pushed through? Had you not supported and assured me, I would never have booked that ticket to Manila because, what hell was I supposed to do in a place I’ve never been in? Like, seriously? Who, in their right mind, would do that?
I know 2016 is not exactly the best year for you, considering you’ve experienced the first time you felt you heart ripped in two and I am so sorry if I was inept with my advices and in actually making you feel better. You’ve made my life better when you entered it and I felt like I failed in returning the favour. But just know that whatever happens, whatever decisions you make, whatever actions you take, I will always be behind you, supporting you all the way. Of course, after I made sure it neither gets you hurt or killed, nor it can cause fatal damage to other people. I may not be brave enough to fight my battles, but I’d muster up the courage to fight beside you with yours and help you nurse the bruises and wounds we’d obtain right after. Though, we might never need to because I am confident that your 2017 will be a lot better, if not the best. Because, dear, let’s put that stubborness and mind set to good use.
Before I met you I am scared with a lot of things: heights, public speaking, tight places, small talks, getting lost, the future, etc. Now I’m a lot more fearful because there is another fear that haunts my 3 AM thoughts and insomnia nights. Losing you. I know I don’t say or show it much often, but I am scared as hell I’d wake up one day and find that you’re name is not on my Friends List. I have a lot of quirks and strange behaviours that most people can’t stand and all my life I have taught myself to brace for the day when my friends would walk away, one after the other. But I pray that you would walk, close the door, and stay.
I anticipate a lot of changes in my life in the coming year but I hope against hope that you would not be one of them. I finally have the courage I spent half of my life mustering to take the risk and find what makes me awake and I’m not sure if I’ll fare well with this endeavour but it would be a great help when I know I have someone to fall back on. No pressure though. As I told you, and have been trying to convince myself, I do not force people into my life and hold on to people who wants to walk away. Except you, I’d kill you if I ever see you stepping back even just an inch.
So here’s to more waterfalls to visit, more shores to photo op, more nights-turned-into-morning talks, more restaurants to go bankrupt on, more places to fall in love with, and hopefully, more shots of tequila for a crazy night we occasionally deserve.
Love you! 😘
From the person who is still hopeful in converting you from a Muggle to a Pureblood,
Still and will always be a Sleepyhead 👍