I’m sorry.

When I heard of your passing, the words that came out of my mouth were, “Shit. Fuck.” Weren’t those words your most favorite expressions? You were the one who taught me to cuss, and I was the one who asked you to control it. But, shit, why? Why did you do it? 

I know I was the one who didn’t make the effort. I know I may be one of the people who made you feel like you are alone to conquer those battles that were thrown at your disposal. I never really asked to meet with you. Now, I wonder why I never did. Shit.

You opened my eyes to the reality that not all family is happy, that not all life is perfect, but weren’t you the one boosting me up when I felt discouraged with all the pressures we have to face in our early teenage years? And fuck me, because I never returned the favor.

It’s been years since I last saw you but it still crushed me to death when I learned that I will never be able to see you again. Why? I know I shouldn’t ask, because I don’t have the right to, but, shit, why? Why did you leave?

I hope my apology will reach you, wherever you are now and whatever shit that happened that made you put your life in your own hands, please know that I loved you. I suck with communication and putting efforts where I should, but I do. 

You made my highschool life tolerable and funny. You were the friend I didn’t ask for but never really appreciated enough.

Goodbye, old friend. 

See you in the next adventure.

PS. You will forever be an apology I will never intend to be forgiven for.

Addendum. You didn’t even wait for the reunion. But what the fuck, who doesn’t get tired of waiting, right?


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